"Are you still there God?"

I am not getting married in a church. I guess that is fitting seeing that I have not practiced formalized religion in more than a decade.

I was raised attending a Lutheran Church. As a child I went through many of the rights of passage for an up and coming Christian. I was baptized almost immediately after I was born. I attended services weekly and special classes to “prepare” me for my First Communion. Sometime after my parents divorced I lost touch with the Lutheran faith. Apparently I was attending for the benefit of my parent’s peace of mind. I had no interest or means to attend services on my own. It is safe to say I lost touch at that time, however I feel comfortable saying that I had not lost my Faith in God.

A few years later I reconnected with the church. This time I was the invited guest of a friend. It was a non denominational church. The only title it claimed was “Christian.” It was a relaxed environment that emphasized forgiveness and acceptance. Ironically I severed ties with the church because one of its congregants was shunned for having a child out of wedlock. That congregant was the same friend whom invited me to join this belief in a “forgiving and accepting” God. Once again I found myself losing touch with religion and church.

Today, as my wedding approaches, my mind every now and again applies religion to the marital equation. After all, religion and marriage have a tendency to be paired together. Almost every faith ties religion into the civic union that is marriage. Weddings are commonly held in a church, mosque, or other appropriate religious facility. I guess it’s only natural that I would have to consider the religious implications that my own wedding holds, if there are any.

I contemplate “Where does God fit in to my marriage? Does God have a place at this table?” And most importantly, “Is God still there?”

But I don’t find myself questioning my own beliefs. I know that I have the ability to believe. I feel it is a matter of finding something that I can put my belief into.

As I look around today and see religious chicanery run amuck I question why put my belief back into a “house of God.” I see religion masking political agenda. I see war sponsored and condoned in the name of religion. I see scriptures twisted for the use of justifiable intolerance and persecution. I see religion corrupted by its leaders. I see religion soullessly used as a spring board to fame and ill-gotten fortune.

I ask myself, “How can I justify bringing these things into my life? How can I invite an infallible ideology into my heart and home knowing the misuse that it shields?”

Religion and God serve good purpose too. I do not deny that. I also admit that both the good and the evil cannot be as simple as the words I put onto this page. It just isn’t that simple.

So when I stand before my friends and family in mid-June on the shores of the Narragansett Bay just where will God be? Is this a moral dilemma? Am I torn between my willingness to believe in God and my skepticism of religious misallocation? Will I be labeled a sinner for questioning my own convictions? More importantly will I be labeled a sinner for merely suggesting that a particular church and religion currently have no place in my life? Is that blasphemy? Can I be a blasphemer if I don’t partake in religious practices?

Perhaps the question I need to ask is this, “If I do believe in God, is it necessary for me to out rightly proclaim that belief to a particular pulpit?”

Some people will undoubtedly point to me and proclaim that because I choose not to embrace a church of prayer that I also choose to refute the existence of God. But who are they to say? I think that concept is part of the reason I DO choose to not attend a church.

I choose to believe in something that does not require me to give a certain amount of money in order to acknowledge my belief in a higher being. I choose to believe in a higher being that accepts all believers…unconditionally…because who are we to say what is and is not acceptable?

On my wedding day I will be able to understand that God is there. And although I won’t be in a church, it won’t matter, because my faith is what tells me where God will be.