A Call to Drums

With Saturday’s mail I received a copy of “DCI Today.” It is a magazine that is produced three times per year by Drum Corps International. I can only imagine that they got my name and mailing address from Ticketmaster as Rhiana and I attended the semi finals last year.

The magazine stirred quite a few memories. Yes…memories of that “one time, at band camp.”

DCI is a different animal though. Yes it involves employing many of the same skill sets that are applied in marching band. However, the level of skill and commitment is much greater. To compare let’s just say that high school marching is to DCI what the Toledo Mudhens are to the New York Yankees.

During my four year stint with the Columbus East Olympian Spirit Marching Band(yes, I know…it’s a mouthful), I was lucky enough to bond with several friends that I still have to this day. Many of the friends I made during those four marching seasons also shared my interest in DCI. We all had our favorites…Some preferred the home team (and now extinct) Star of Indiana. Others preferred more traditional corps like The Cavaliers and The Phantom Regiment. A few liked the jazzy showboating corps like the Blue Coats and the Velvet Knights. There were always the newbie’s (at the time) the Crossmen and the Colts. And of course there were the pillars…The Madison Scouts, The Cadets of Bergen County, and my secret favorite The Blue Devils.


For a short time I held an interest in marching in DCI. I felt I had the talent and the ability, but for some reason or another decided never to do it. I had friends march with “The Star,” “The Cavies,” and the Santa Clara Vanguard. I applied and was invited to attend first tryouts for TSOI, The Glassmen, and The Blue Coats. I never applied for the Blue Devils system. At the time they were one of the few corps that you started early with a lower level, minor league version of the corps and worked your way up. When I found this out a year before the maximum age limit (22) my heart was nearly crushed.

Although the years have furiously reeled off (much like the closing sequences of Roman Images) since I last participated in any type of marching organization I still maintain a very deep attachment and appreciation of marching bands and DCI.

Matrimony's Eve

First it was more than a year. And then it was months and then weeks. Now it is days and it will soon be hours, minutes, seconds…

“It” is the moment that has been building momentum for quite some time. Yet it will simply be a moment no longer than the one before it or the one directly after. Although the simplicity and relevance of time will come and go in this moment, it is what happens in this moment that will define how I will live the rest of my life. “It” is the moment that I become a married man.

As that life defining moment continues to approach my family and friends continue to ask a question.

“Are you nervous?”

When the question first started to be asked of me I thought that it was slightly rude to ask. Would I be human if I wasn’t nervous? In turn I had chosen to give a “slightly rude” response.

“Why would I be nervous?”

Time has given me the opportunity to rethink my response. My family and friends had no intention of being rude. So the answer to the question has changed.

“Yes. I am nervous about the wedding.”

Of course there is anxiety about the wedding itself. There is a winding list of details that will continue to refine themselves until the very moment we put on our wedding rings. There is so much to account for…coordination, consolidation, consideration, planning, plotting, timing, seating, eating, dancing, laughing, and loving. Yet I find myself becoming more at ease with the day and evening of the wedding itself. With every passing hour it seems more welcoming and inviting. And instead of fretting over the details, I find comfort in the visions they have started to provide…visions of friends and family from near and far sharing in this moment.

“Yes. I am nervous about getting married.”

There is a lot to be said for the act of publicly proclaiming your love to one person. I know, as the groom, that I will put on a tuxedo and stand before my family and friends and swear my love, support, and soul to Rhiana. I’ve thought about the moment what feels like 1,000 times. I know that Rhiana, as the bride, will wear a dress and stand before her family and friends and swear her love, support, and soul to me. I have a feeling she has thought about the moment more than 1,000 times. We have expressed to each other the significance of the difference between “having a wedding” and “getting married.” That thought is something that we are very much together on and share similar feelings towards. We choose to define each of them separately although both events will occur simultaneously. It does not mean that we choose to share the wedding with our family and friends and not our marriage. In fact it means that we choose to share both our wedding and our marriage with these people.

“Yes. I am nervous about being a husband.”

While getting married and having a wedding are symbolic of becoming a husband I am nervous about the day after the wedding and all of the days after that. There are enormous responsibilities to live up to as a husband. And on the day of my wedding I will make a promise to live up to these tasks. There are responsibilities that require planning and follow through. There will be challenges that I will not or can not experience until they are already upon me. I will be committing to giving my love unconditionally for a lifetime. I choose to see through both desperate and prosperous times. I will have responsibilities that extend backwards into the world and life that I leave behind when I die. I am promising to live with another person and love that person through all that life brings to us. I choose to stand by this woman for the remainder of my life. No decision I make going forward will direct my life with Rhiana as much as the one I am about to decide and choose by simply stating, “I do.”

The days continue to dwindle into hours and hours to minutes and the moment for me to say “I do” will soon arrive.

Am I nervous about having a wedding, getting married, and becoming a husband? Yes, I am. Given the depth that those events signify, I’d be worried if I wasn’t.

Judith Moore

About four months ago I received a simple note from a complete stranger. The note was nothing more that a request to have me write for a publication. I emailed this stranger named Judith. She replied and asked me to write about my upcoming wedding for a newsweekly during the month of May. Later she asked me to continue my writing thru June as well. Judith, it turned out, was a senior editor with The San Diego Reader.

Sadly today I’ve received news that Judith Moore has passed. I did not know her other than the brief emails she sent to me regarding my stories.

She gave me an opportunity to do something I’ve always dreamed of doing. To be a published writer. I never had the opportunity to thank her. I had planned to do it after my assignment for the San Diego Reader had finished.

There are a few publications regarding Judith’s passing on Monday May 15th, 2006.

The Contra Costa Times

Paper Cuts

The San Francisco Chronicle

Bachelor's Rant

The wedding is nearing. As the bachelor and groom to be, let me testify that people believe its novel to joke about me getting married. Crude remarks and insensitive innuendos are spread throughout each and every one of my days by those who consider themselves to be funny… “Hey Jeremy, the clock’s ticking. (Insert poor excuse for a sound effect) Tick tock tick tock.”

A message for those people, “Your jokes are not funny. In fact, they are old and worn out…kind of like a race car’s tires the day after the Indianapolis 500.”

I feel that people must believe that this is some right of passage. Those that are married or have been married feel an obligation to tease and torment (albeit mostly in a lighthearted manner). Those that aren’t married looking at me wide eyed and slack jawed saying, “Oh man…are you sure you want to do this thing?” This is the basic comment that is all too often followed by high fives among the bachelors and accompanied by snickering that easily reminds me of third grade immaturity. It’s a relentless attack of good natured tomfoolery that jeers at my sanity.

It is an all out rampant assault of lollygagging coworkers, friends, and neighbors that serves no purpose other than to probe me for a reaction. I was belted with this about a week ago. “You know, it’s just about time for you to change your mind, you can still get out now, but there isn’t much time left…” Yes. Someone actually said that to me with a smile on her face and expected me to laugh.

So this is my reaction. This is my way of saying, “Take your jokes, roll them up, put them into your proverbial pipe and for crying out loud…light the God damned thing up and smoke it.”

Don’t try to explain that it’s “just a harmless joke” or you “don’t mean anything by it.” This is my rant and it doesn’t matter your intention. When you joke about my wedding your joke only matters to the person for whom plays the butt. That would be me and this is me saying, “FU.”

And don’t worry I won’t take it personally. I’ll just ask you to think about what you’ve said and suggest that maybe instead of offering a comedic anecdote about someone and something you only have your own experiences to speak of, maybe you should keep your jokes to yourself.

What’s that? Did I hurt your feelings? The golden rule, my friend, teaches us “to treat others how you yourself wish to be treated.” Do you think that rule falls null and void because you choose to hassle me a few months, weeks, days, hours, and minutes before my wedding? So you want to make jokes but when someone fires back a resentment of that joke you get all touchy.

I know where the conversation is going from here. “Oh Jeremy… Now just calm down, you’re being too sensitive.” OH REALLY? I’m being too sensitive? Maybe some people just aren’t being sensitive enough. I’ve got to say this…no maybe I should stand up on my chair and shout so the message is crystal clear. Maybe…and this is going out on a limb…but just maybe these people aren’t considering what they are saying before they speak it. Maybe the comedians should lay down the matrimonial shtick and consider giving, in their infinite wisdom, some marital advice.

Yes, that is my suggestion. Reel in those words that hold no value other than to barb my delicate state of pre-marital sanity and give me something I can use. Give advice that could be sound and thoughtful and applicable to the events waiting at eve’s edge. Share a graceful and well placed story of old that might soothe the inner soul of a newly wed to be. Ask a question about my state of being and that of my bride. Ask about the weather for crying out loud…give me something…anything but another unbecoming joke about me and my upcoming wedding vows.

It’s not that I can’t stand the jokes. It’s not that I don’t need to laugh. It’s that this isn’t a good time for lame and uncouth tastelessness. It really isn’t. If people insist on making these jokes please know that they are on notice…I’m busy. Busy planning a wedding, attending to my bride, my family, my dogs, my house, and each and every one of the other ten thousand priorities I have set just ahead of your senseless joke.

So that is it. My rant… My coup d'état over the reign of wedding jokes made in poor taste and more importantly made with ill timing.

Chances are, with this rant I may have offended someone in a not so oblique manner. I never claimed to not be a direct person. I am sincere and prefer to be to the point. If you are offended by what I have to say here I make no apologies.

Chances are that if you indeed take offense, you very well may be one of the people this rant is intended to address.

Farewell to Point Place

I've started to write this story about ten times. I can't figure it out.

"That 70's Show" is ending next week.

They aired a delightful reflection special on it last night. Many actors from the show hosted and interviewed. It was a nice touch to round out a great television series.

I will miss the show very much.

"Goodbye Wisconsin"

Random Musings

Musical Reconnect

“S-A-F-E-T-Y…….SAFETY DANCE!” We can dance if we want to. This week The Safety Dance found it’s way on to my I-pod. Along with some other fun favorites…Space Oddity by Bowie, Don’t Fear the Reaper - Ceasars, Blister in The Sun - Violent Femmes, Champagne Supernova – Oasis, Creep – Radiohead, Loser – Beck, Mr. Wendel – Arrested Development, New Sensation – INXS, Brian Wilson – Bare Naked Ladies. I also added a few other oldies. One new one that is absolutely haunting is Breathe Me by Sia. It was the closing track in the final episode of Six Feet Under.

The Dogs

Buca hurt his back this week. We suspect playing with Kayla over the weekend that they got a little too rough. Kayla is doing well. She has been very pushy since Buca is getting a lot of attention due to his injury. We got them a new can of tennis balls…its fun to see the two of them spring to life when the air decompresses out of a fresh tube of fuzzy greens.

The Wedding

The wedding is nearing. Please everyone cut out the jokes. I was in the bathroom here at work doing my business at the stand up and a guy walks up and uses the one next to me… “tick tock tick tock.” Yeah that’s funny pal. You’re a real joker aren’t you? The wedding invitations are in the mail and apparently everyone at Rhiana’s dentist office knows who I am. I went in for a cleaning the other day. “Oh…you must be Jeremy. We’re expecting you.”

Rhiana

Rhiana is doing well. She seems to be getting more relaxed about the wedding. Some aspects are still in grind it out mode, but most parts are going as planned. She went in for a dress fitting the other day. She felt good about how it fit. She is busy with work and the wedding and has recently decided to take on a second job checking in on a set of labs (other than ours) during the day on her lunch hour.

The House

We painted the walls of the second bedroom and we are planning to use it for a den after the wedding. The front yard continues to be a disaster. We had grubs last summer and because the previous owner moved out two months before we moved in the yard went to waste. Now it is just a wasteland of weeds and dirt. I am half tempted to till it all under and start fresh.

TV

Not much TV watching going on with the spring weather coming in to its own. 70’s Show is wrapping up an eight year run soon. Rhi and I are both sad for that. We’ve recently watched Proof which was horrible and The Constant Gardner. I’m not a big Ralph Fiennes fan, but I have to say this film hit home much like Hotel Rwanda did. While my father was in town last week we watched Good Night and Good Luck. I was impressed with the cinematography, but some might argue that I am easily impressed.

Work

Work is work. Same cubicle…different day.

The Fam

Dad drove in last week and brought some amazing cabinets in for Rhi and I as our wedding gifts. They are beautiful. Mom is doing well and reports that Grandma is bored. Wendy bought a new car and Matt is enjoying climbing in the spring in Arizona. Lesley and Brad are doing well and looking forward to visiting for the wedding.

Dreams

Last night I had a dream that I was driving Rhiana’s wedding dress to the wedding. When I arrived to the location it was a warehouse in a very urban setting. Her Uncle Armand was there and he took the dress, but somehow it got dropped on the ground. Not good I know, but it was only a dream. I’ve had several dreams about visiting Africa recently. I attribute that to our screening of The Constant Gardner..

Sports

The Sox knocked the crap out of the Yankees last night. Barry Bonds is going to break Babe Ruth’s record. I don’t mind that so much, but I cringe at the thought of him breaking Hank Aaron’s record. I wish the MLB players association would step up on this one and allow everyone to just walk Bonds for the remainder of his career. John Daly wrote another book professing his gambling addiction has cost him nearly 12 million dollars since 1995. My thoughts on that… “Screw you John Daly. We all know how your story is going to end…” --- “Today John Daly found dead in hotel room with a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and his gambling debt receipts in the other. Daly apparently died from a heart attack.”

Writing

I am still waiting on a check from the Reader to write for June. I submitted the first story nearly two weeks ago. They also managed to put the wrong picture with my first blog. AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

The World

I feel like Billy Joel did in the late eighties/early nineties. “We didn’t start the fire…it was always burnin… since the worlds been turning……..” Rhiana and I have been talking about kids lately and if (or when) we will have any. I’m really not so sure about bringing a child into this world. We haven’t decided anything yet. When I was growing up the problems were killer bees, acid rain, and Muammar al-Gaddafi. And today? Well now there’s global warming, economic uncertainty thanks to China, and we still haven’t been able to find Osama Bin Laden. How is it we can find Saddam hiding in a “spider hole”, yet we can’t manage to find a man whom sends us a video conference tape every 6 months or so? Thank God the Bush administration is finally almost over.

You Followed the Yellow Brick Road…Didn’t You?

Hello and welcome. There is a 99.999932 percent chance that if you are reading this, you clicked on a link over at the Reader. As the title of my blog might suggest, I make no claims of being perfect. I don’t use proper grammar, run on sentences are my specialty, and I do claim to know a little something about everything (and everything about nothing). Thanks for stopping by…I truly hope you can find something from my writing that makes your day whatever you need it to be….but I do it mainly for me and any kids Rhiana and I might have in the future.

Just so you know it’s about 10:54 on Tuesday May 2nd. Right now I am sitting alone listening to the rain drip into the window basin just outside my basement window. Like many of you I worked all day today. I am a little tired and my ADD has furiously taken control of me since about 8 p.m. Life has been treating me well today. I’ve planned to golf on Saturday morning…and I’ve planned on doing it poorly. The wedding invitations are starting to hit mailboxes. The Red Sox/Yankees game was postponed tonight and the Indiana Pacers lost.

Rhiana and I have been cleaning the house since 7:30 or so…right after we got home with a couple hundred dollars worth of groceries. Why have we been cleaning? Well…my dad will be here tomorrow. He is coming to visit from Indianapolis. He is a skilled woodworker and he has constructed some cabinets for us as a wedding gift. He is taking two days to drive out here with them in the back of his truck. And two more days to drive home after he has given them to us. Right now he is probably sleeping or getting ready to go to sleep somewhere in the middle of Pennsylvania. I am very excited to see the cabinets. He’s been working on them for quite some time. But I am looking forward to seeing my Dad for the first time since his 60th birthday in March.

Rhiana and the dogs (Kayla and Buca) are in bed now. I told her I had a few things to do before bed. She cautiously asked me what those “things“ are…it’s funny…I know why she asked. She knows me so well…and she knows that I am having a fit with the ADD right now. Yeah yeah I know that there is medication….I’ll leave that talk for another time. Anyway I assured here that I had carefully planned to write this article now. She was OK with that. I told her that I also needed to make a list of cleaning I needed to finish up before heading to work tomorrow. She suspiciously asked exactly what it was I needed to do.

“Oh you know…vacuum the basement, get the dog hair off the couch, wipe down the bathroom, and scrub the floors.”

“OK” she said skeptically.

So I came down stair stiffened off the bar area and the tiles in the laundry area.

I remembered that Chop was on tonight and that I missed a new episode. I thought to myself,
“I’ll bet they will rerun it again later."

At that moment the angel on my shoulder whispers, “Must fight ADD…..write the blog go to bed….must fight ADD….write the blog go to bed….must fight ADD….”

Oh well. I’ll catch it next time.

I fired up my machine and noticed that my cable internet is running ssssssssslllllllllllllllllowwwwwwww. (Side note…my word processor has just indicated to me that I misspelled the word “slow”…no shit)

Sorry…I glanced over the Yahoo news headlines. Does it get any more bleak than these headlines???

“Plane Crash In Russia 100 Dead”
“Iran threatens Israel”
“US Army Facing Blood Donation Shortage”
“Schools Begin Addressing Childhood Obesity”

Yowzers. Is there any good news?

Anyway I’m tired and ready for some sleep.

Thanks again. And please feel free to comment or email. You can find my story and a follow up to my Columbus trip right here in my blog.